Thursday, May 11, 2006
i feel sad.
depressed.
feel like just crying and crying.
but i don't know why.
maybe being always happy in front of people is just a front.
maybe because of this,
all the emotions start to pour when i'm alone.
i start thinking about alot of things.
start to feel sad.
but don't know why.
the reasons are mixed up.
making me confused.
frustrated.
alot of things happen.
bad things.
unhappy things.
things that i don't want them to happen.
but they did.
i hurt some people.
and some people hurt me.
what goes around comes around huh?
i feel sick.
of life.
i heard about cheryl's troubles.
about how she feels like dying.
i want to tell her lets die together.
but i can't get a reason to die.
just feel like.
SICK.
SICK OF LIFE.
SICK OF PRETENDING.
being always happy.
always cheerful.
sick. sick. sick.
but that's me.
eileen.
i can't help myself.
i care for others more than myself.
i would sacrifice my happiness for others'
why?
i don't know.
i like to see happiness in others.
i like to see people smile.
maybe that's why i like to make people laugh.
i like to entertain people.
their joy is my joy.
but i need my own happiness too.
and i don't know how to get it.
someone help me.
i'm so tired.
ilu mom.
ilu dad.
ilu yanling.
ilu jie.
ilu weijun.
ilu cheryl.
ilu abby.
ilu steph.
ilu kerli.
ilu all my cousins.
ilu all my friends
ilu ilu ilu.
i won't kill myself.
i love my family too much.
i love my friends too much.
i know they will be sad.
i don't want them to be sad.
so i won't die.
but my heart is dying.
after this post.
i shall go give my younger sister a hug.
she's always there for me.
though we do have our differences.
i love her forever.
i need someone by my side.
i need you.
but i don't think i'll ever have you.
i want to forget you.
i'm trying to.
maybe then i can find someone else.
someone else who care.
who at least pays attention to me.
i always say we girls don't need guys.
maybe i'm wrong.
but seriously.
if i can't ever find a guy who i like as much as he likes me.
i stay single forever.
at least being single,
you won't be hurt.
you won't feel pain.
maybe that's why i'm advising cheryl to break with her stead ASAP.
why?
that fucking bastard cares more about dota than her.
rather dota than reply her messages.
when she cried and told him about it.
he said, "i want a normal gf who don't cry so easily de"
ask her go see doctor.
WTF.
FUCKING BASTARD.
i want her to break with him asap.
this kind of guy.
ain't worth her love
ain't worth her tears.
don't deserve her at all.
i shall make myself busy with school stuffs.
then maybe i won't think so much.
i miss those tkgs days.
when its all girls.
girls won't hurt each other the way guys do.
the most hurtful thing a girl can do to you is probably just bitching about you.
a guy can tear your heart in twos.
and that guy does not necessarily have to be the guy you like.
but somehow they just do.
maybe that's why you see so many lesbians.
they probably got hurt by guys before.
or they think that guys are not dependable.
the way they get sick of something so fast.
maybe i should turn to lesbianism.
no joke.
since my school has so many lesbians.
and i'm sick of waiting.
sick of being hurt.
sick of being neglected.
urgh.
i cannot think straight.
i shall not think then.
i shall sleep.
edit//
thanks jerome.
you are a true friend.
always being there to listen to my troubles.
=) i love you always.
erms.
friendship love.
hahs.
me_________`e-leen *
11:12 PM
